I had another weird dream again. It has something to do with my neighbor. We were going up the escalator in a mall and he held my hand. I don’t know if this is logical, but I felt actual shivers down my spine when he gripped my hand. It wasn’t too tight and it didn’t feel like the casual kind of gesture. It felt like the reassuring sort of grip that a guy would give to his girlfriend. Plus, he bent down to kiss the back of my hand! He looked into my eyes and lingered for a while before finally lowering my hand again.
Okay, that was a totally freaky dream. I can’t say I wasn’t thrilled though. Just the thought of it sends me blushing and wanting to bang my head against the wall. I’ve barely met him for five months to be honest. Yeah he’s my neighbor, but I only found out about that when I moved in my mom’s house last November. The idea of having a boyfriend makes me giddy, but then I guess that’s just it. I don’t think a relationship would ever work out for me in reality. My personality sucks and I tend to piss people off very easily.
So to reiterate, yes I like the thought (being in a relationship, doing things that other couples do, etc.). If it was him, I’d be happy. He’s really easy to get along with, earnest in my opinion, and also fairly considerate. I just can’t help but wonder if he’s like that with other girls too. Hell, I don’t think I can be anyone’s girl. Maybe I’m just gonna end up misunderstanding any act of kindness he shows me. If I was going to be truthful to myself, I don’t think I can deal with being in a relationship. I’m probably going to act more awkward than usual, hypothetically considering that I do like him, and then he’s going to rethink his feelings for me. I told you, I’m not good at dealing with people. I avoid people because of that very reason.