Remember the guy I used to talk about, the one who sits behind me in class, always listening to music on his earphones and never giving a damn about everyone? Lonely boy.
Well, news has it that he’s attended a nearby university and entered the Law program.
At this point, I am still honestly considering on law. Despite having earned my undergraduate degree, I feel that it’s not enough. I want to reach new heights, to become a more well-educated individual that I, myself, can take pride in.
I know I said that I’m not in search of fame, money, friends, or the highest step of the social ladder. I’m doing this for myself.
Yet the selfish part of is reasoning out that I should go to law school because HE’S there. Like, I want to see him again, talk to him, get closer to him, and possibly pursue that sort of relationship that I think we have a shot at. Stupid, right? We barely even have contact on Facebook, much less in person when we were still at the same university.
Why do I keep on feeling that there’s a chance that we could end up together?? Is it because there’s just so many similarities between us and I think that that would make us destined for each other? His angst, depression—- all his innermost feelings channeled through rock music and diary-like reflections—I like that. I can relate to all of that. I want to be with him and say, I feel the same way, then hug him tight.
It’s stupid, I know. Is it love? That, I’m not sure of. And yes, it’s silly to subject yourself to 4-5 years of torture just for a guy with no reassurance whatsoever that he’d ever like me back.
But hell, I’ve been stupid all these years. I want to do something risky. Plus, getting into law school may even become fulfilling for me as person. It may be a road that could lead to more self loathing and doubts, but I want to take it to challenge myself and be better. I am so done with being sorry for myself. I need courage. I need to prove some motherfuckers wrong.