Always a Mess

by smoke-weed-and-love-deeply

I’m literally to the point where I just want to disappear. Delete everything and just be gone. But that’s never going to solve anything and I know it. I’ve been crying to myself for hours. when I’m alone it’s always this way. If only I could up and leave but I can’t. This heavy knot in my throat that suffocates me will always be there, whether I’m on the moon or Saturn.
These horrible memories will always come back to me. No matter how much I distract myself, it pulls me back. I feel shackled. I feel ashamed. Why can’t I be free? Why must I suffer through this. It’s a constant battle within me. Sometimes I’m so scared and want to be held, but I never get that. Cause even after the hug is done, I’ll still feel this shitty.

I’m not as strong as I look.

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